can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
