no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
