Can i not drive my cunt home
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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