he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
