I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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