Its about making memories worth repressing
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
