There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
