guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
