I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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