I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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