Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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