So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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