So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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