1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
