drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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