You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
