The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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