i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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