and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
