Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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