Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
