I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
