He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
