you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
