I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
