on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
