i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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