My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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