why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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