I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
