This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
