He uses pillows to masturbate.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
