am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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