these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
