I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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