Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
