We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
