There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
worst night to have a conscience
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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