I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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