i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
