I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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