Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
