i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
