she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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