I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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