sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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