My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
