It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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