so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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