Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
