i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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