When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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