is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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