my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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