you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
